Where have I been? There are two possible answers: 1. nursing, 2. pumping. Things seemed to be going OK with nursing. Then we went back to the lactation consultant last Tuesday for a weight check. Ben had not gained enough ... around 2 oz in 6 days. He should have gained between 4 and 6 oz. So It was determined that I am not producing enough. This is likely due to the busy schedule on mother's day weekend and my son's somewhat lazy nursing habits (he falls asleep VERY easily). So it was prescribed to me to engage in "active nursing" with him every 2 hours and follow that up with pumping for 10 minutes. So for the first 20 minutes of every 2 hours, I nurse him ... waking, burping and cajoling him into doing his job. Then I pump for 10 minutes after that. He is supplemented with the pumped milk and now eventually we've moved into formula territory. The good news is that he gained weight like a champ, 4.5 oz in 3 days. The bad news is that not including bottle feeding time and the washing of pump pieces I am spending 1/4 of my waking hours on the whole nursing thing. And it is EXHAUSTING.

The worst part is that it doesn't even seem to be doing a lot for my supply. I don't think it's getting worse, but it doesn't seem to be getting better either. And part of that is my lack of dedication. I do pretty well about 80% of the time, but I have not been able to give up running errands or occasionally going out to dinner or ENJOYING MYSELF and so I get lax and then it's really hard to get back on schedule. Not to mention the needs of my kids ... sure Ben gets attention while I'm nursing/bottle feeding him, but no one gets attention while I'm pumping and washing pieces and I feel horrible telling Tabby (for the 100th time), "not right now, sweetie, mommy's busy ..." Tomorrow I meet with the lactation consultant again. I am happy to work on this a bit more and keep trying to get my supply up, but I cannot be tied to this schedule for a whole lot longer ... I have 4 months off to enjoy with my kiddos. The key word there is ENJOY.

Aside from the nursing issues, things are good if a bit hectic (what is it about this time of year???). Ben is looking less like a newborn and more like an infant, much to my chagrin. Tabby is such a little girl these days it almost breaks my heart. She carries on elaborate pretend scenarios and sings about 20 different songs (with varying degrees of completeness/accuracy) and cracks me up daily with the funny things she says. Really, even in 2 hour increments, life is good.